About relational approaches to inclusion

What they are and how to use this toolkit.

In West Sussex, we want all children and young people to feel safe, included and able to thrive. Every child should have fair access to learning and the support they need to make progress.

This page explains how the relational approaches toolkit can support inclusion across your school or college. We explain how to put these approaches into everyday practice and school policies.

Research shows that:

  • schools that build positive relationships see better inclusion, engagement and educational outcomes
  • over time, these approaches create safer and more connected communities
  • strong relationships between teachers and students are essential to the wellbeing of both children and staff

The relational approaches toolkit helps schools and settings to include children and young people. It works alongside the reasonable adjustments and support that schools can give all children and young people including:

Who created the relational approaches toolkit

The toolkit has been developed by:

It is based on current research, practice-based evidence and learning from other local authorities. Relational policy and practice are already established across West Sussex.

We would like to acknowledge the guidance and knowledge of relational practice shared by:

  • Devon County Council
  • Sheddingdean Community Primary School
  • White Meadows Primary School
  • Warden Park Primary Academy
  • St Wilfrid's Catholic School
  • Ashington Church of England Primary School

Watch Sheddingdean's relational approaches video.

What relational approaches are

Children and young people are relational beings. They develop, learn and grow through relationships. Teaching and education are relational acts. Schools provide opportunities for children and young people to build relationships and have positive experiences. A school's climate and culture create the conditions for mental health and emotional wellbeing (MHEW).

Relational practice promotes and supports mental health and emotional wellbeing. A large body of evidence shows that better mental health and emotional wellbeing can improve attendance and attainment.

Schools should understand relational approaches as part of a continuum of practice. This continuum includes whole-school policies and approaches that benefit:

  • the school community
  • staff
  • families
  • individual children and young people

Relational practice includes effective teaching and learning that helps children and young people develop and maintain positive relationships. It also includes positive behaviour approaches that support inclusion and targeted support for children and young people with additional needs.

The diagram below shows how relational approaches work at universal, targeted and individual child or young person levels.

Relational approaches diagram

Individual

Schools use individual relational support plans to give children and young people the consistent support they need. Planned relational interventions to help them manage behaviour, learn and thrive. Learn more and find templates on the individual support plans page.

Targeted

Schools provide targeted support for children and young people who need extra help. This can include safe bases, significant adults and nurture groups to promote inclusion and meet individual needs.

Universal

Schools use whole-school relational approaches and rights-respecting principles. Effective teaching and learning help children and young people build positive relationships, develop behaviour skills and feel included.

The principles of relational practice

Relational practice shapes every level of a school setting. This includes:

  • ethos
  • policies
  • procedures
  • everyday interactions

The relational approach focuses on relationships, respect, responsibility and restoration.

Evidence shows that relational approaches address discipline and conflict more effectively than behaviour systems that rely only on rewards and sanctions to encourage compliance.

How to promote the relational approach

You can use these methods to promote the principles of the relational approach.

Developing relationships

Schools can develop relationships by:

  • building safety, security and trust through protection, connection, understanding and care
  • supporting inclusion by helping children and young people access learning, take part socially and develop their skills
    setting boundaries through shared agreements and shared expectations
  • establishing clear processes for resolving difficulties

Responding and calming

Schools can respond to challenges and promote calm by:

  • using everyday interactions to maintain relationships, uphold agreements and support a calm learning environment
  • using key relational skills to help children and young people regulate strong emotions and calm their behaviour
  • having clear plans that maintain safety and provide support during a crisis

Repairing and restoring

Schools can repair and restore relationships by:

  • using restorative conversations to resolve minor conflict and disagreements and build shared understanding
  • using restorative meetings to discuss broken agreements, explore the impact on others and restore relationships
  • identifying any additional support or action that a child or young person needs to support positive change

Supporting theories

  • Attachment theory explains how early relationships shape a child's emotional wellbeing and mental health. John Bowlby first developed the theory in the 1950s and described attachment as "a lasting psychological connectedness between human beings" (Bowlby, 1997).

    Research has since expanded attachment theory and shown how babies and young children form close relationships with trusted adults to meet their emotional needs and feel safe. When parents, carers and other important adults respond consistently and sensitively, children learn to manage their emotions with support. Over time, they develop the skills and confidence to regulate their emotions independently.

    Children build emotional resilience through everyday interactions with trusted adults. Relationships grow stronger when adults help children repair misunderstandings, manage distress and restore a sense of safety following difficult experiences.

    Research shows that secure relationships play an important role in healthy child development. When children do not experience safe and secure attachments, they may experience emotional distress and display behaviours that communicate unmet needs.

    Neuroscience research suggests that a lack of attunement and co-regulation in the early years can affect how the brain develops and functions. Without sustained relationship-based support, these changes can affect a child's readiness to learn. They may find it harder to trust adults, build positive relationships with peers and manage their emotions throughout their education and later life.

    Schools can help by providing consistent support and safe relationships. Effective approaches include support from a trusted adult, opportunities for co-regulation and teaching social and emotional skills explicitly. Children and young people may need this support throughout their education until they feel safe, can trust others and can regulate their emotions more independently.

    By using attachment-aware approaches, schools can respond to a child's developmental needs rather than focusing only on their chronological age.

    Reading and resources

    You can find further information by:

    You can also read:

    • Inside I'm hurting: Practical strategies for supporting children by Louise Michelle Bomber
    • Settling to Learn: Settling Troubled Pupils to Learn by Louise Michelle Bombèr, Daniel A. Hughes
    • Attachment in the Classroom: The Links Between Children's Early Experience by Heather Geddes

  • Dr Stephen Porges developed Polyvagal Theory. The theory explains how the nervous system responds to feelings of safety and danger, and how these responses influence behaviour.

    According to Polyvagal Theory, the nervous system constantly scans our surroundings, our bodies and our interactions with other people for signs of safety or threat. These responses happen automatically, without conscious thought.

    The autonomic nervous system moves between 3 states:

    Social engagement

    When children feel safe, they can connect with other people, communicate, learn and manage their emotions. They are more likely to feel calm, curious and ready to engage.

    Mobilisation

    When children sense danger, their nervous system may activate a fight or flight response. They may try to escape a situation, resist demands or react defensively. The body prepares to respond quickly to the perceived threat.

    Immobilisation

    When a situation feels overwhelming and escape does not seem possible, children may shut down or withdraw. This state is often described as a freeze or flop response. The body reduces activity to protect itself from further distress.

    What this means

    Polyvagal Theory suggests that behaviour often reflects a child's attempt to stay safe rather than deliberate misbehaviour.

    Understanding behaviour in this way helps adults respond with curiosity and support rather than punishment.

    For children to learn effectively, they first need to feel safe. Trusted relationships, predictable routines and supportive environments help children develop a sense of safety and belonging.

    Children naturally look to other people for reassurance when they feel threatened. When supportive relationships help them feel safe again, they can return to a calm state and become more ready to learn, communicate and manage their emotions.

    If children do not experience safety through their relationships, or if support is unavailable when they need it, they may remain in a state of stress. This can make it harder for them to regulate their emotions, engage in learning and build positive relationships.

    Children who have repeatedly experienced unsafe or unreliable relationships may move more quickly into fight, flight, freeze or shutdown responses. As a result, they may need additional support from trusted adults and relationship-based approaches to help them feel safe, regulated and ready to learn.

    Reading and resources

    You can find further information by:

    You can also read:

    Porges, WS (2011) The Polyvagal Theory, New York, WW Norton.

Why relationships matter

There are well-known concerns about the mental health and wellbeing of children and young people. National data shows that children from disadvantaged and vulnerable groups are more likely to experience exclusion. This can have both short and long term negative impacts and increase emotionally-based school avoidance (EBSA).

Evidence from the Behaviour and Mental Health in Schools report consistently shows that behaviour is often linked to unmet needs. Children, young people, parents, carers and professionals reported that behaviour is closely connected to mental health needs and special educational needs and disabilities (SEND).

Healthy and reliable relationships help us feel happy, healthy and secure. Strong relationships can protect us from challenges such as poor mental health, physical ill health and poverty. With the right support, relationship education helps children and young people build the skills they need to have healthy relationships throughout their lives.

Children and young people learn about healthy relationships by experiencing them.

Benefits for children and young people

Good relationships help children and young people to:

  • understand and manage their emotions
  • make better behaviour choices
  • build resilience
  • show empathy and kindness
  • include and support others

Positive relationships with peers and teachers help them to engage in learning and improve their life chances.

Benefits for schools

Schools that put healthy and reliable relationships at the centre of their approach can improve the wellbeing of their whole school community. Pupils with positive relationships are more likely to do better academically. Improved staff relationships can also improve their morale and retention.

Benefits for communities

There are wider benefits for the community and society too. Research shows that when school staff and families model healthy relationships, school communities become stronger and more supportive. The economy also benefits when families have strong and supportive relationships, regardless of their structure. The empathy fostered by good relationships builds a more equal, understanding and diverse society.

What research tells us

Relational approaches help children and young people thrive.

Research shows that emotional health and wellbeing affect learning, school attendance and educational outcomes. Children and young people who feel connected, valued and that they belong at school are more likely to:

  • achieve better academic outcomes
  • have better physical health
  • develop positive social skills
  • experience better mental wellbeing into adulthood

Research suggests that strong relationships between teachers and pupils can:

  • support a positive emotional climate in school (Rucinski et al., 2018)
  • increase positive behaviour and behaviour for learning (Driscoll and Pianta, 2010; Lei et al., 2016)
  • improve emotional regulation, social skills and resilience, leading to higher attainment (Bergin and Bergin, 2009; Roorda et al., 2017)
  • strengthen a pupil's sense of belonging at school (Quinn, 2017; Allen et al., 2018)
  • improve wellbeing for teachers and other staff (Spilt et al., 2011)

Relationships and interactions help people to:

  • develop trust
  • feel safe, connected and that they belong
  • learn skills to manage difficult emotions
  • understand their own emotions and the feelings of others
  • resolve conflict positively
  • repair relationships after conflict

Boundaries and discipline

Behaviour and Mental Health in Schools Report

This report says:

‘It is important for schools to have clear expectations and boundaries in relation to pupil behaviour, and the importance of teaching pupil’s positive behaviours to help them to thrive in the school environment. This should be coupled with a supportive, nurturing and inclusive school environment, where every child is valued. Many schools have taken steps to prioritise and embed relational and restorative approaches in order to improve both behaviour and mental health. What became clear during our inquiry is that a culture shift is needed in how behaviour is viewed in schools. We need to move beyond a place where behaviour is seen as problematic and something that needs to be managed, to a much more concerned and curious place about what the behaviour could be telling us. By changing the way behaviour is viewed, needs can be identified at a much earlier stage.’

Behaviourist approaches

Behaviourist approaches may encourage short-term compliance. However, they can also shame children and can negatively affect children who have experienced trauma or other vulnerabilities because of past or current life experiences.

Discipline helps children learn behaviours that support emotional and social wellbeing. Discipline is not the enemy. Adults need to use discipline as a learning tool and adapt it to meet each child's needs.

Differentiated discipline

Differentiated discipline recognises that children have different underlying needs. Adults should adapt behaviour support to meet those needs, just as they adapt learning activities for pupils with different learning needs.

A relational individual support plan can help adults identify and respond to a child's individual needs.

Understanding behaviour

Confrontation and punishment may stop unacceptable behaviour for a short time. However, they do not address the fear, distress or other underlying causes that drive the behaviour. As a result, the behaviour is likely to happen again.

When adults repeatedly use confrontation or punishment, they may trigger or reinforce a child's trauma.

High exclusion rates also show that these approaches do not provide effective support for many children and young people.

Using this guidance

The relational aproaches toolkit is split into 8 'principles' or areas. When used together these priciples create a whole school 'relational culture'.

Each section includes:

  • a description of what a relational approach looks like in that area
  • suggestions for practice
  • references to reading or training
Explore the relational approaches toolkit

To review your current practices and plan next steps use the relational audit and planning tool.

‘Too often we forget that discipline really means to teach, not to punish. A disciple is a student, not a recipient of behavioural consequences.’